Vintage Video Games

It’s insane to think that the 90s pass for vintage now, but I have to say, it was a great decade to grow up. When I wasn’t playing sports or throwing temper tantrums at my brother’s birthday parties, I was playing video games. First, it was the DOS Windows ’98, then the Sega Genesis, followed by a Gateway desktop (I remember the giant cow print cardboard box it came in).

Lately, I’ve been either seeking out or stumbling on ways to play my old favorites. The look and sound of these beloved games bring on so much nostalgia and pleasure, that I want to cry. I can see myself *ALWAYS* being Player 2 to Bill’s Player 1, sitting next to him on the carpeted floor of our childhood home, craning my neck up and marveling at his dexterity. Now I know it’s just that he was older.

I’m going to breakdown the vintage video games I love(d) and if possible, show you guys how you can enjoy them again, too!


Classic Reload

Did you guys play a lot of desktop games? Classic Reload literally has all of the DOS gems available for free!

I’ve been living for the simple graphics and smattering of diseases available via The Oregon Trail. Do you want to caulk your wagon or attempt to ford it? These are the tough choices I want to deal with on a day-to-day basis, people!

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Marge causing problems for the whole group…
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Absolute miracle.
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Shooting five buffalo but like wasting 1,000 lbs of meat, lolz!

Also a top contender was Prince of Persia; a game I was never particularly good at, but my mom sure was! I remember sitting on a chair behind her, mouth agape, watching her slay the MC Hammers and drink all the right potions! Two things though – pretty sure Persians didn’t look like Zack Morris in a jumpsuit and this game was morbid…

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Does anyone remember Hugo 3: Jungle of Doom? It was a bizarre adventure game for kids and one of the commands was “Make Effigy” in order to move forward in the story (get out of the jungle after a low resolution plane crash). Whoever made this game felt that a six-year-old child should have “effigy” in their lexicon and that’s the kind of mom I want to be!


Sega

I’ve always been a Sonic the Hedgehog fiend, so much so that my mom was able to persaude a sales associate at Best Buy to climb a giant stepladder so that he could get the last Tails plush doll available, which was hanging from the ceiling.

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An exact replica!

Sonic 2 is available on mobile and is absolutely worth the $1.99.


More major was discovering the Sega Genesis Classic Game Console at Bed, Bath & Beyond. I broke the cashier’s eardrums shrieking about it. He didn’t understand! This was the single most important thing that’s ever happened to me. Now, I can play all the Sonics (except 3 because I think you need to purchase that separately), Mortal Kombat, which I am evidently horrendous at, Columns II and so much more, Jessica!

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😦

Miscellaneous

So as technology developed in the 90s and early 2000s, so too did my gaming tastes. The new medium became the CD-ROM, baby!

The Sims allowed me to buy and decorate a mansion (girl, you know I had that infinity money cheat!) as well as dictate the lives of idiot characters. My greatest accomplishment was preventing the baby I had my couple conceive in the vibrating heart bed, not get taken away by child services. Also, if you loved the theme music like I did, there’s a YouTube video for that. You’re welcome!

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Sylvia the Social Worker took your baby!
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Adulting?

Similarly to The Sims, Rollercoaster Tycoon allowed for a feeling of true omnipotence at an age when bed time was 9:30pm at the latest. I loved making obscene rollercoasters, hiring hundreds of handymen to clean all the barf and drowning panda mascots in little pools of water, mwahahaha! Don’t act like you never did that. This one

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So much barf!

If you want to get bad posture and feel heart feelings, play these games. Bye!!!


PS I will be on spring break starting tomorrow, so you will not get a daily “Oh hey!” update. That said, I plan to come back with a vengeance next week, with new stories, photos, and sassy GIFs!

 

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