Single in The Windy City: Part II

I don’t know what the experience is like for single males these days, but I find myself experiencing a general lack of traction, options, and meaning in my efforts to meet someone. I’m hearing this from a few of my fabulous, beautiful, and successful single girlfriends as well. As someone that is proactive, I’m suprised at the lack or response, consistencny, and follow through. Most of the time though, nothing even gets to close to the starting line.

Though I’m not bragging by any means, I do get a fair amount of connections or matches on the dating apps. I would say 85% of the time, I won’t get a response to my, “how, how are you?” or, “I’m doing well, how are you?”. On what planet does it make sense to just stop responding? Don’t initiate a conversation and then immediately go radio silent. what the hell is the point? Simultaneously, I notice that people don’t really reach out to me at bars or in public spaces any more. Again, my single friends echo this sentiment. What’s up with that? Does anyone chat up a love interest in real time anymore? Is the crutch of social media too much of a welcome buffer from rejection?

Listen, I’ve been rejected before and it sucks, but it’s part of life. I’ve been rejected in public even (nothing dramatic, calm down). Sometimes, the person is just not interested, taken, or just wants to focus on being with their friends. In no circumstance has anyone ever made a scene in rejecting me and I have never witnessed that, unless the approach is synonymous with harassment.

I’m not trying to rag on technology that I use myself, but seriously, how does anyone meet anyone these days? I think a genius idea would be to have a bar or some type of nightclub where you have to check your phone in at the door and you can check it back out when you leave. At the same time, I’m not a nightclub person, and I’m not a night owl. Should I be substantially altering the way I live my life to meet someone? I don’t think so.

One of the few things I miss about living in New York City is the propensity for people to reach out and follow through. Even if it’s not ultimately a love match, I found that men were way more open and proactive to meeting in person and going from there. I had some fantastic dates in New York. At museums, dinners, work events, clubs, etc. Chicago has all of those things, so again, what is the problem? Granted this was now six years ago (crazy), but truly, that’s one thing I miss about living in Manhattan.

So, is it laziness, fear of rejection, dehumanization due to technological platforms, the desire for instant gratification, the propensity to dismiss quickly, low attention spans, or what? Why is it so weirdly difficult to meet anyone? Do I need to start wearing a ball gown out and about? Should I try a Kardashian other gimmick to get attention? I kid. But, any healthy insight or advice is welcome.


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