Marge II

Oh my goodness! Rejoice, peoples of the universe! This is the date of birth of Margaret, my mom! This lady rocks so much. My goal in life is to make billions or marry a billionaire so that I can buy her the immortality juice from Death Becomes Her so she can live forever (or at least as long as I do) and our Big Edie, Little Edie plan can remain intact.

For Mother’s Day, I made a list of what my mom has taught me, but for her birthday, I want to make a list of some of my favorite, most important memories with or about her.


  1. Taking me to Parkway Drugs once a so I could buy a Beanie Baby and candy with my $10 allowance.
  2. Attending every Christmas party or lasagna night she hosts. She throws great parties.
  3. Having sangria and carne asada at Lalo’s every summer before I went back to college.
  4. Picking me up, crying at a Dunkin’ Donuts on New Year’s Eve years ago, leaving her own party to take me home.
  5. Having dinner at Hall’s Chophouse on our last night of vacation in Charleston. The food and company were so magical. It affirmed my belief that she is an excellent travel partner.
  6. Taking me to the psychiatrist or pediatrician when I stopped eating. I know she was hurting and so was I. It was an awkward time, but every time she made that choice to take me to these doctors, she invested in my future being healthier and imparted a vital message to me: ask for help.
  7. Putting soap in my mouth and let me scream and writhe on the bathroom floor, kicking the door until I tired out. She ignored me the whole time, but this helped me not be an asshole in the future. Or swear. At least for a while…
  8. Going to the Fleetwood Mac concert with her at United Center on my birthday. It will likely be the last time the full band plays together. That was incredibly special.
  9. Practicing headers with her in the backyard for hours. She didn’t complain.
  10. Walking to Hartigan’s Ice Cream Shoppe down the street and having a cone with her at the wooden table outside during the summer.
  11. Making me return and apologize for stealing one pog from the pog store, even though it cost a penny.
  12. Admitting to me that my childhood dog, Jonesy, had passed away because she knew I needed to know even though I was away in Bloomington during my freshman year of college.
  13. When my soccer coach sat me for a half of game, even though I was a starter, because he caught wind of the fact that I was changing clubs. I could feel her silent outrage during the drive home at the choice made to punish me and I knew she would be in my corner, always.
  14. Watching Family Guy reruns on TBS together at 10pm CST before going to bed when I lived at her house.
  15. Letting me ramble on about true crime and allowing me to watch Investigation Discovery whenever I go to her house, because I don’t have cable. She’s not even into it, but she knows there’s a show call Southern Fried Homicide.
  16. All the long walks in Wilmette.
  17. When she told me black satin sheets were not an appropriate choice for a teenaged girl’s bedroom, but didn’t exactly explain why. It was a good call.
  18. Taking care of me when I had my ACL repair surgery. This included catching me when I fainted from an allergy to the pain medication and lowering me carefully to the floor so I didn’t ruin the surgery results.
  19. Singing (and often crying) while seeing or listening to various musicals.
  20. Making me a carrot cake from scratch on my birthday when I was in recovery and wanted a “healthy cake”. Note: there’s nothing healthy about carrot cake! This was not the first time she duped me (in a good way) when it came to eating. When we went to Paris and scaled the Eiffel Tower in cold, windy, rainy weather, I was not dressed warmly and felt catatonic after being exposed to the elements. She encouraged me to have French onion soup, even though I was a vegetarian at the time. She knew it was made with beef broth, but didn’t tell me. It really brought me back to life. And I wasn’t a vegetarian much longer any way.
  21. Taking me to her hairstylist in high school when I dyed my hair blonde with a drugstore box brand and it came out brassy orange, so I could get it fixed.
  22. Starting a new tradition of baking goodies together for friends during the holidays.

These are just some of many, and many more to come! Happy birthday mama!


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