Am I Where I’m Supposed to Be?

Do you guys look at apartment, condo, or house listings on the reg? Do you ever look at puppies online and come up with all of their full name in an instant? Do you ever Google “____ pain treatment” on a daily basis? Do you delete the same horsesh*t dating apps off your phone every fortnight? Do you ever use shopping, food, wine, sleep, or exercise to avoid the existential crises that plague you, namely the question, “Am I where I’m supposed to be in my life?”

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You feel like you’re a hard worker, a decent member of society, you even iron your clothes! So you wonder, if I’ve got my life together; how come I don’t have the ideal life I want yet? In being on the cusp of 30, these are things I think about all of the time. Just saying I’m a Millennial requiring instant gratification is a cop out and offensive. I’m not afraid to work hard.

I love Chicago and it took crashing and burning in New York City for me to realize that. I’m single. This is good if you like to live independently; not so good during those occasional lonely times. My actual home is in a great location, but lacks some key amenities. Also, I’m not super into the silverfish that have made appearances on my ceiling, but I guess #chicity #cityliving? Here’s another thing; I work out a lot, but I struggle with making new gains while avoiding injuries or worsening chronic pain. The amount of money I spend on Thermacare, Tiger Balm and massages would make my grandmothers blush (bless their souls). A big thing I’ve thought about for years is getting a dog companion, but my schedule isn’t exactly suitable for that. Do I want turds on my carpet that I lint roll multiple times a week? But don’t I want a little buddy with smoosh face to snuggle with me even if I’m hungover or moody?

Plz be my forever buddy!

I think about all of this stuff and wonder what’s most important to me, what I should prioritize, and if I have achieved an appropriate level of success. Have I also made enough and the right mistakes that made me a better person?

My only conclusion is that it all is what it is and the best thing to do is try not to stress too much about it. No one made life paint-by-numbers. There’s not one way to be, though admittedly, seeing everyone’s highlight reel of big life events on social media makes me wonder and even doubt my own development. Comparison can be the succubus of all joy, contentment, creativity and expression. Literally when what seemed like half of Chicago was running a marathon, I was proud to have washed the dishes in the sink from the night before. For a moment, I felt like a dumpster fire person, but then I reminded myself I had worked hard the day before at my Bodypump class.

My other conclusion is that you can have the things you want in life, but you can’t rush the timing. There’s only so much within our control and what I’m trying to do is enjoy the journey to getting where I would like to be.

Trying to break this negative thought cycle!

That said, one day, I will have a pug. I will be back and neck pain free. I will own a home that I am proud of and content with. I will marry Michael Fassbender. Or at least a man that likes to cook!

Yes, gawd!

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