Let me start by saying that my goal is not for this to be a personal rant. Not at all. I simply am curious to see if my opinions on the dating scene resonate with anyone else. I’ve been discussing the sheer difficulty in regards to meeting singles nowadays with a variety of people: friends, family, colleagues, my therapist, etc., both single and in relationships. Admittedly, there is some inherent frustration on my end, not because I need to be in a relationship but because I am genuinely baffled by the utter lack of ease in making initial connections.
I want to be clear that my expectations right off the bat are not to meet someone, fall in love, get engaged, and onward from there. That would be awesome if it were to happen naturally, but my concern is the inability to conquer “Step 1” of the process; meeting someone. I do take responsibility for not putting myself out there enough (being a homebody and an early bird), but the more macro observation I have lately is that it’s more difficult than ever just to meet a single person.
Even two, three years ago, dating applications were still taboo for many, so singles were more outgoing and actively seeking one another out at the bars or during social activities such as intramural sports, beach days, through civic and philanthropic endeavors, and more. Those that were on the apps weren’t as spoiled for choice and possibly for that reason, the intentionality to meet and for lack of a better expression, “not dick around”, existed more fully.
My feeling is that with the over-saturation and continued dominance of technology and the instant gratification mentality it facilitates is to blame. In thinking about my own behavior in relation to online dating applications or websites, I can admit that the seriousness with which I’ve taken them has diminished greatly. I also think people are generally not in as much of a rush as discussed in a recent Chicago Tribune article.
In my reflections of late, I’m thinking the best bet will always be a chance meeting/spark with someone in real time or a “fix up” by a mutual connection. Having the face to face contact or a common social network increases the stakes. The stakes aren’t as high right now.
So why is this news? Well, it isn’t really. I don’t think I’m alone in this weird no man’s land. And whether I like it or not, it does mean that if I want to meet people, I have to try harder to stick my neck out there. I guess in thinking about the days of yore it wasn’t necessarily easier, it was just less distracted, less transactional, and obviously less digital. It will be interesting to see how this progresses and if people will become more disabled in terms of connecting. Hopefully the increased discomfort and risk, will be worth it eventually!
What are your thoughts?
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