It’s come to my attention that much like all things in life, dating will not yield results without the application of some effort towards it. I’ve cynically rejoined a few of my ole’ digital haunts, including Bumble, where the female must initiate the first contact. On a beautiful evening after work, I thought I’d log in and make some effort. I matched a few guys that looked vaguely promising. I wanted to think of something a little more exotic than the, “Hey __, how’s it going?”. I felt creative, inspired, shall we say. I thought, “if it weren’t Monday and time to hit the gym, where would I want to be right now”? And voila! A patio having a cocktail with good company.

After asking a few of my matches, “Hey __, if you were on any patio in the city right now, which would you choose?”. I thought it was a fun, unique opener. Well, it generated not a single reply except for this gem:

I’m not that into patios.

Oh, okay. Do you mean the experience of being upon a patio? Or is it that you don’t like the physical logistics of a patio (too square, too sunny, uncomfortable seating, you see your ex)? Maybe it bothers you because the last time you were on a patio, you were at Federales and they kicked you out because you threw an ice tequila shot at someone’s head. I guess I thought perhaps it could have led to a meeting on a patio, or just even starting a conversation. Heck, I would’ve accepted, “Not a big patio guy, but love a dive bar!” Nah. That was all.

I have since been told by a friend’s beau that guys aren’t necessarily enthusiastic about a patio experience in the same way as women are, but he did agree with me that that was not someone to remain matched to. These kinds of interactions continue to baffle me, but at least they’re good fodder for a chuckle!

Also, if you’re a man that likes patios, holler at me!


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